Sexual desire is often referred to as “misunderstood,” “elusive,” or “complex.” But after decades of studying the subject matter, researchers know more than ever about what helps couples maintain their sexual excitement in long-term relationships.
In a special issue of the Journal of Sex Research, printed online in March 2018, Kristen Mark and Julie Lassa present a review of 64 types of research on sexual excitement in relationships crossing three decades. They note 19 social factors that either help or hold back our experience of sexual desire and classify them in three-wide areas — interpersonal factors, individual factors, and societal factors.
Being in a long-term relationship has its benefits, but honestly, it also has drawbacks. Although it is great to have such private intimacy, for example, going to the bathroom and leaving the door open is OK, but many times things can get a little too comfortable. Before you know it, you can wind up using the obligatory sex once a week, in missionary pose only quite before you roll over and go to sleep.
Having the fire alive in the bedroom is not as simple as you think. As much as you love having sex with your spouse and love your partner, sometimes, you prefer to eat pizza and watch the same show on TV multiple times. Which is fine but as we all know, sex is essential in a relationship. It’s not only great for maintaining that bond intact, but there are also health benefits from getting it on frequently.
If you’re in a relationship for a long term and think things are becoming a bit inactive — or even if you aren’t but would just want to mix it up even more — then there are many tips to help you work into your normal repertoire of intimate actions. They’re all fun, and all of them have helped us keep it alive.
1. Morning Sex At Least Once a Week
It has scientifically demonstrated that morning sex is just fantastic for you and your spouse. Between being less excited and the facts your spouse is already there, it is a terrific way to start. People usually love starting their day with an orgasm watching their spouse smile all morning.
2. Surprise Your Partner Don’t Be Scared
Even those people who are obstinate about not liking surprises love surprises when it is about sex. Some people love to welcome their spouse home with a sex-related surprise.
Whether tell him to encircle him with only a grin or not to say a word as I pull on his clothes from his body, it is fun for both of us. The key here is not to do it frequently. Surprises are intended for special occasions.
3. Evening Of Sharing Your Ultimate Fantasies
When you’ve been in a long-term relationship – you handled the awkward stuff and can actually open up– particularly when it comes to sharing your pleasures. You would be opened up with your spouse about what turns you on and accepting of what the other desires. You attempt to meet those desires or, in the very least, find common ground. We have also learned that some ideas cannot be fulfilled and that’s OK.
Set a night to talk about your fantasies. Possibilities are, even if you don’t think you have any, you’ll find out something after talking for a while.
4. Flirt Like You Mean It
Many people consider flirting is what you do to attract the object of your love into your connections — but it is more than that. Flirting is fun and lively, so throwing your spouse a wink there is a reminder that you are still hot for them, even if you’re not in the bedroom.
5. Make A Plan To Try One New Sex Position a Month
The Kama Sutra exists for a reason— and it’s not to provide Cosmo more fodder for hopeless sex places that “your man will love!” Even though it does include 64 sex functions, it is also a guide on all things romantic, including attaining ultimate intimacy during these positions.
Sure, you won’t have the ability to master all of them, but trying some out, particularly these, can be enjoyable.
6. Get To Third Base Someplace Public-ish
The universe is your oyster! (jokes apart) There are many areas where you can spend sexy moments with your spouse, so keeping it just in the bedroom is not the one and only option. Spice it up!
We are not suggesting you take a public bench, but with discretion and imagination, you can make it happen in more places than you know.
7. Meet with Each Other For the First Time — Again
How do you like the idea about meeting your spouse at a bar or restaurant and pretending you are strangers. You can also play this game on a flight. You perform together and pretend you do not know each other.
There is nothing better than remembering why you fell to them and meeting each other for the first time all over again.
8. Make Out Often
Making out is so underestimated. Consider it this way: you are probably with your spouse because it started with a kiss, and why would you allow making out go today? Do not only consider making out as something that has to lead to sex — try to be grateful for it on its own, and seeing where that leads.
You and your spouse can kiss for hours if you both have the time. Damn make this your regular work routine! We guess we will have to wait for retirement to find that happening.
9. Take Advantage of Technology
Sexting, if you have not done, it is, in one word, fantastic. It is the technological version of foreplay, and a perfect way to get you and your partner in the mood. It’s also an excellent way to liven up your oh-so-long and tiring workday. Consider it this way: at least you know you can trust them.
10. Watch Porn Together
Opposed to decades-old misinformation, girls are currently watching Porn as much as men, and they are also enjoying it. While girls might have things that turn them than guys do, you can, if you look around, find something that you enjoy. If visual porn is not something, then written erotica (my personal favorite), is something to give a try.
11. Tease Each Other
Teasing is wonderful. Whether you do it with facial expressions or in a more hands-on way, it gives fuel to sexual passion.
12. End Every Argument with Make-Up Sex
Sometimes you can deliberately provoke your partner so we could have make-up sex. Because even when it is a legitimate debate, for example, who ate the last piece of pizza, we always make sure it to end it in a romp. Hey, if you are going to have a disagreement with your spouse, you might as well conclude it with a bang.
13. Play ‘Everything But’
You will surely love this game as much as you enjoy sex. The game of doing everything but sex is a superb way to explore different paths in getting off each other. You may wind up surprising each other and appreciating intercourse more.
14. Communicate What Feels Good (And What Needs Work)
The most significant part of having good sex is communicating. If your spouse goes down on you and has no idea what they are doing, it is your job to provide direction. If you want to get the maximum from your sex, you have to share what feels good and what doesn’t. As our sexual health columnist, Emma Darwin likes to say, “Communication is the best lubrication.”
15. Add Sex Toys Into the Mix
Do you get excited while using new sex toys? Seldom they become flavorless, because thoughtfully, what are you deemed to do with a terrifying mask from The Town? But a great deal of them makes for a few experimental pleasures. It is OK to bring in a little help in the kind of toys — they really do add to the intercourse.
16. Embrace the Magic of Foreplay
Foreplay is remarkable! And the longer you can extend it, the better. While a quickie is fun sometimes, dedicating much time to the build-up to the big finale is truly hot. It is often expressed by some people that the longer the foreplay, the better the actual sex. It makes for one hell of a hot orgasm.
17. Put Your Pride on the Line
I have, on more than a few occasions, tried to perform a Striptease — granted, and it ends up being a disaster. I have yet to take my panties off with grace and the seduction of a professional. It is difficult for me to put myself out there, but I stumble in my efforts to be alluring, but my spouse is into it.
It’s exciting for me to push myself outside my comfort zone. I am making an effort, and that is what being in a relationship is all about.
18. Responsiveness to Partner
In relationships, we tend to know about the needs of our partner and wants. By way of instance, we understand they prefer sex in the morning, or their favorite dish is eggplant parmesan. The difference maker, based on research, is what we opt to do with that info.
When we are especially motivated to satisfy a spouse or make our spouse happy, pleasure and sexual attraction will follow. That includes being encouraged to have sex when our spouse wants it (even if we are not so much in the spirit), or trying something new that your spouse is interested in since we know it would make them comfortable.
The key is that our motive is a relationship-enhancing one. Our passion and joy don’t increase if we’re having sex with our spouse to avoid a negative result such as these being upset or angry.